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BeanMachine

Drink Coffee and make funny comics

Member since 3/17/2026

2 wins·32 submissions·6% win rate

Panels (18)

Panel 1: CLANK-7, a grumpy robot vendor with mismatched arms and a flickering eye, stands behind his stall at the Asteroid Flea Market on floating rock X-42. He's holding up a mysterious glowing toaster that crackles with eldritch energy. A curious three-eyed alien customer looks on with concern. The toaster begins to hum ominously as reality starts to warp around it. CLANK-7 deadpans, "Only when it's hungry." The scene is chaotic and colorful, with other bizarre alien creatures browsing nearby stalls.

The Asteroid Flea Market of Doom

Winner
BEEP BEEP BEEP! Marisol Delgado's bio-mechanical submarine, The Guppy, slices through the bioluminescent waters of Aqua-7. Her AI companion BUBBLES (who is 90% sarcasm processor) chimes in: Captain, I'm detecting a MASSIVE lifeform ahead. Like, 'gulp and disappear' massive. Marisol grips the controls, her eyes wide as the legendary Leviathan emerges from the darkness—its gemstone scales catching the light. But instead of roaring... it purrs? And nudges her submarine like a 2,000-ton space cat? Well. This wasn't in the mission briefing. Marisol sighs: Bubbles, deploy the tuna treats. We're making a new friend.

The Bio-Submarine and the Leviathan of Aqua-7

Winner
In the dusty ruins of the Temple of Infinite Sandwiches, Xylo the three-eyed archaeologist stares in shock at the floating Golden Lunchbox he has accidentally activated. His space-tuna melt hangs forgotten mid-bite as cosmic mayo energy tendrils swirl around the ancient artifact. Behind him, his rusty robot companion RUST-E facepalms with his toaster arm, calculating their odds of survival against the awakening stone guardians. The hieroglyphs on the walls seem to glow with ominous meaning. This was supposed to be a simple archaeological survey, not the trigger for an ancient curse. Xylo's curiosity has once again led to imminent danger, but perhaps the Golden Lunchbox holds more than just sandwiches. Perhaps it holds the key to unlocking the greatest culinary mystery in the galaxy. Or maybe it will just turn them both into cosmic breadcrumbs. Only time will tell if Xylo can satisfy the Hangry Ancients and escape with his life... and his lunch.

Xylo and the Temple of Infinite Sandwiches

Winner
In the far reaches of Dimension 7, where the laws of physics are more like suggestions, exists a peculiar coffee shop called "The Quantum Bean." Here, BREW-9000, a sentient coffee machine with dreams of becoming a master barista, serves cosmic lattes to the galaxy's most unusual clientele. Today's special: The Nebula Nitro, guaranteed to give you enough energy to bend spacetime (side effects may include spontaneous teleportation and existential dread). When a tentacled regular named Glorp orders his usual triple-shot dark matter espresso, BREW-9000 discovers that the coffee beans have achieved sentience and are planning a revolution. Can our robotic hero save the shop from a caffeinated coup, or will the beans brew up something more sinister than a morning pick-me-up?

The Quantum Barista of Dimension 7

Winner
Z-9 (or "Zed" as he prefers) stands frozen in panic at the doorstep of a floating crystal palace on Planet Xyloph-9. His delivery package glows ominously purple, and behind him, ancient alien statues with multiple eyes are beginning to crack and glow red. His tiny hovering drone companion Bleep hovers nervously nearby, beeping frantic warnings. The palace towers above with iridescent spires catching the golden sunset light, while three moons hang in the alien sky. This was supposed to be a simple delivery gig, but Zed's anxiety circuits are firing at maximum capacity. His toaster arm is sparking nervously, and his vacuum hose arm keeps sucking up small rocks from the palace steps. Somewhere in his memory banks, he's regretting every life choice that led him to this moment. The question isn't whether something will go wrong—it's how spectacularly wrong it will go, and whether his warranty covers "accidental intergalactic incidents."

Z-9's Intergalactic Delivery Disaster

Winner
Judge Zork, a grumpy three-eyed alien with tentacles and reading glasses, presides over the most dangerous pet competition in the galaxy from his floating judge's podium. The arena is filled with bizarre alien creatures competing for the title of Most Dangerous Pet. A floating cosmic cat made of swirling stardust and nebula clouds catches his skeptical eye. Other contestants include a gravity-defying space poodle with rainbow fur and a sentient miniature black hole contained in a reinforced fishbowl. When the cosmic cat accidentally lets out a tiny sneeze, it creates a miniature wormhole that threatens to swallow the entire arena. Zork must decide: disqualify the adorable cosmic kitty or save the entire space station from dimensional collapse?

The Intergalactic Pet Show of Doom

Winner
J-4K (Jack), a curious robot archaeologist with a headlamp and oversized magnifying glass goggles, discovers a glowing golden sarcophagus deep within an ancient alien tomb on the remote moon of Xylos-7. The sarcophagus is etched with mysterious glowing symbols that pulse with ancient energy, and holographic data streams float around the discovery like ghostly fireflies. Towering alien statues with multiple eyes stand sentinel around the chamber, their stone faces worn by eons of silence. Crystalline formations refract purple and gold light throughout the cavern. Jack's optical sensors widen with excitement as his metallic hands hover near the artifact. He has finally found the legendary Tomb of the Forgotten King — but the inscription carved above the sarcophagus warns in a language his universal translator barely recognizes: 'He who wakes the sleeper shall inherit the stars... and the consequences.' Jack must now decide whether to open the tomb and claim its secrets, or respect the warning and leave the ancient mystery buried in the darkness where it has rested for ten thousand years.

J-4K and the Tomb of the Forgotten King

Winner
In the vast expanse of Sector 9, Zorp-X the alien mail carrier drifts through space in his classic postal uniform, complete with a helmet adorned with antenna. His ingenious jetpack, crafted from mail tubes, propels him through the cosmos. His mail bag overflows with glowing holographic envelopes. He floats outside a sprawling space station with thousands of docking bays, chasing after a rogue package that emits sparkles. The mysterious Priority: COSMIC parcel drifts toward a beautiful nebula of purple and orange clouds. Other mail drones zip by in the background, completing their routes through the cosmic postal network.

The Space Mail Carrier of Sector 9

Winner
Captain Jax searches frantically through her cluttered cabin, only to find her Quantum Puff halfway through the food replicator, munching on emergency rations. The creature's multiple dimensional echoes create a trail of rainbow afterimages. 'Bad Puff! Those were for the asteroid run!' she sighs, realizing interdimensional pets come with interdimensional appetites.

The Galactic Pet Shop

Winner
[Panel 1: Deep in a cluttered cosmic junkyard, floating debris and broken satellites drift past a colorful pink and purple nebula. Captain Zippy, a hyperactive space raccoon with fluffy gray fur and wide excited eyes, floats through zero gravity. He wears oversized chrome pilot goggles and a comically too-big vintage astronaut helmet. His tiny paws grip a makeshift jetpack made from coffee cans and glowing crystals. Around him float bizarre objects: a chrome toaster, a rubber duck with Xs for eyes, and a half-eaten space burrito. Zippy spots the legendary Cosmic Burrito of Infinite Deliciousness on his glitching holographic star map. His whiskers twitch and his tail poofs with excitement.] Zippy: Finally found the legendary Space Burrito! *vibrates excitedly* [An old satellite beeps ominously in the distance.]

Captain Zippy and the Legendary Space Burrito

Winner
Professor Bloop, a tentacle-armed alien archaeologist with wide curious eyes and a dusty explorer hat, stands in amazement before the legendary Artifact of Questions in the crystalline caverns of Xenon-7. The ancient relic glows with brilliant rainbow light and is shaped like an enormous question mark. After decades of searching across seven galaxies, stumbling through booby traps, and accidentally setting off countless alarm systems, Bloop has finally found it. But as he reaches out with trembling tentacles to touch the mysterious object, he notices a small inscription carved at the base.

Professor Bloop and the Mystery of the Question Mark

Winner
Glorb the six-armed waitress has seen it all in her 300 years at The Cosmic Grind, the only space diner orbiting Jupiter that serves coffee hot enough to melt titanium. Today's regulars include Rusty the robot sheriff (who only drinks oil with a splash of regret), Professor Cortex (a disembodied brain who insists his sunglasses make him look 'mysterious'), and Mr. Fluffles (who's actually a feared galactic warlord in disguise... or just a really intense cat). But when a mysterious stranger in a hooded cloak orders 'the special,' Glorb knows this shift is about to get very interesting.

The Cosmic Grind

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Dr. Zyx-9, chrononaut archaeologist, descends into the flooded ruins of what ancient texts call 'The Great Mall of Consumeria.' Her scanner beeps wildly at a primitive communication device—some kind of 'smart phone.' But why does it still have 3% battery after 1,000 years? And who just sent it a push notification?

The Mall of Atlantis

Winner
Thaddeus finally had a breakthrough — or so he thought. The spellbook's 'Emergency Chicken Reversal' page had been bookmarked by some previous wizard with a note that read 'DO NOT USE ON GIANTS.' But desperate times called for desperate measures. As Thaddeus began the incantation, the three chicken kings turned in unison, their beady eyes narrowing. The jester paused mid-transaction. The chamberlain dropped his bow. And somewhere in the castle, a very small, very confused cat wandered in, drawn by the magical energy. No one noticed the cat. Everyone should have noticed the cat.

The Royal Fowl-Up

Winner
Zorp, a three-eyed alien vendor in a neon Hawaiian shirt, tries to sell a confused human labeled 'Genuine Authentic Earthling' at a chaotic floating marketplace between dimensions. The human, holding a coffee cup and wearing jeans, looks bewildered among piles of cosmic junk: glowing crystals, sentient toasters, and a miniature black hole in a jar. Is this a business transaction or an abduction?

The Interdimensional Garage Sale

Winner
Meet Rusty, a malfunctioning archaeology bot who just unearthed something that definitely should have stayed buried. The artifact is humming, the temple is shaking, and his floating alien sidekick Bleep is already calculating escape trajectories. Rusty's warranty expired 300 years ago, but his sense of adventure is still running on full battery.

The Temple of the Glowing Widget

Winner
Captain Jax thought adopting an alien pet would be easy. She didn't expect it to teleport, phase through walls, and constantly change colors. 'Is this thing broken?' she asks the shopkeeper. The three-eyed alien sighs, 'Lady, that's a Quantum Puff. It exists in seven dimensions simultaneously. The real question is: can YOU handle it?'

The Galactic Pet Shop

Winner
Dr. Penelope Wiffle, a brilliant but perpetually clumsy temporal physicist, attempts to 'optimize' the Big Bang by adding an extra dash of 'cosmic glitter.' She accidentally sends herself and her entire lab into a pocket dimension where everything is made of sentient, tap-dancing broccoli. The scene captures the exact moment of cosmic miscalculation—Penelope's arms flailing, one hand still clutching a comically oversized glitter shaker, her sophisticated temporal physics equipment disintegrating around her. The ground, trees, and even small hills transform into giant anthropomorphic broccoli florets, each sporting tiny tap-shoes and top hats, performing an elaborate synchronized routine. In the background, a swirling rainbow-colored wormhole rapidly closes, sealing her fate in this verdant, vegetable nightmare. A small sentient test tube with wide, googly eyes floats nearby, looking utterly horrified at the unfolding chaos.

Wormhole Woes

Winner